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She began to well up with tears, took a breath, apologized (though there was no need) and explained her previous husband had passed away. She was particularly emotional on that day because the route she drove to our meeting was one that was familiar to her – one she drove many time with her husband before he passed and this was the first time that she had driven it since his passing. It became abundantly clear that she needed me to understand and capture the emotional gravity of the evening.

The dichotomy of the overwhelming joy of the celebration of this second breath of life into love and the grief in the remembrance of the loss of a lifetime of love that preceded it, was a palpable feeling. I explained that I understood in my own way, as I’d watched my mother make this same journey through grief and then the affirmation of second love. I was elated that I was being let into Liz and Bob’s journey. I was ecstatic at the opportunity to capture this tremendous act of courage – to love after loss.

I do believe that all love is an act of courage. There is a special type of resilience, courage and vulnerability that deserves our utmost respect and affirmation when one has loved tremendously, for so long, sufferers the traumatic loss of that love and dares to love again and with full abandon.

Liz and Bob were introduced by friends that have been dedicated to their individual joys and journeys for longer than I’ve been alive. I could immediately see why Liz was drawn to Bob’s radiating warmth, pleasant demeanor and wide smile. It was obvious how Bob would be enthralled with Liz’s vivacious enthusiasm for life, oozing gregarity and, of course, those gorgeous curls. So, it was that they learned to dance together. No. Really, they literally learned to dance together. Their journey began with the two step as led by their dance instructor, Tomas, at the Society Hill Dance Academy.

It was a given that this intimate gathering of loved ones would be held at spot where their love bourgeoned. Their reception was complete with dance instruction provided by no less than Tomas, himself. A cacophony of laughter filled the evening while those that could hustle and some with two left feet swayed together.

All of the love that Liz described at our consult was resonating through the room that evening and I was not exaggerating when I told her, I don’t believe I’ve ever photographed so many hugs in one evening.

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However, on an emotional level, it’s simply a beautiful moment – a moment that is so intimate and ripe with anticipation. It’s the only thing I’ll ever stage besides formals themselves. I feel the anticipation of every reveal I plan. This was by far the most bad ass one and I had to share.

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I stared daily and with great reverence at images of their lives before the nursing home. I was enthralled to see wedding photos from a half a century prior – from a completely different world. In their small, two-to-a-room living space they did not display much; an afghan, stuffed animals from grand children, a book or two if they could still read, the Bible (regardless of if they could still read or not) one photo by the bed (usually of a spouse) and often a collage of photos. Seventy-five years or more whittled down to a 16×20 poster board space of memories.

I think about this often when I complete a photo session. These are the images that that they will treasure most. These images they will carry with them and hold on to with all of their might where ever life leads and to its end. These images will help them remember when remembering is an endangered species.

I am so grateful to every person who brings me into their home, their family and into that sacred space in their hearts to capture what is most important to them. I’ve considered this more over the past year, as several of the people who have ushered me into the warm space of “home” have had to say good bye to those that share a place in their souls and therefore a spot in the portraits. Knowing that I was the final person to capture their identity is humbling. It brings me profound joy to offer, not just a photo, but a memory. For that I want to say thank you to all of the people who have welcomed me into their hearts and homes.

I’m often inspired by Mary Oliver, whose words hang like a creed nailed to my heart:

When Death Comes

When death comes
like the hungry bear in autumn
when death comes and takes all the bright coins from his purse

to buy me, and snaps his purse shut;
when death comes
like the measle-pox;

when death comes
like an iceberg between the shoulder blades,

I want to step through the door full of curiosity, wondering;
what is it going to be like, that cottage of darkness?

And therefore I look upon everything
as a brotherhood and a sisterhood,
and I look upon time as no more than an idea,
and I consider eternity as another possibility,

and I think of each life as a flower, as common
as a field daisy, and as singular,

and each name a comfortable music in the mouth
tending as all music does, toward silence,

and each body a lion of courage, and something
precious to the earth.

When it’s over, I want to say: all my life
I was a bride married to amazement.
I was a bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.

When it’s over, I don’t want to wonder
if I have made of my life something particular, and real.
I don’t want to find myself sighing and frightened
or full of argument.

I don’t want to end up simply having visited this world.

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“Hey, do you want to go see Kristyn and Dustin renew their vows wearing nothing but cutlery?”

“What? Yes. What?”

“These are all things that are happening right now.”

“When?” I was beat or two out of sync in the conversation, thrown off by the general context.

“Now. In thirty minutes. I’m going over right now to help her get in her ‘gown’.”

What I didn’t realizing at the time was that I was being ushered into the Greatest International Scavenger Hunt the World Has Ever Seen (GISHWHES). No. This is not a hyperbolic acronym that I created. Though, kudos to you for recognizing that as something I would definitely do. It’s better. It’s an actual thing. What I became witness to was item number 31 on a two hundred item list of incredible deeds (many with a charitable angle) and projects (mostly including a heavy arts and crafts component) to be accomplished over the course of one week.

Number 31: ”Get married. If you’re married, renew your vows. For this ceremony the couple must be adorned in the seasons hottest, most stunning and elegant kitchenware…make sure your event is well attended…The officiant must be a ship’s captain.” Kristyn and Dustin rose to the challenge with all the enthusiasm that wedded bliss should conjure. By standers (and their pets) joined in the merriment. The air buzzed with enthusiasm and the vibrations were contagious. Even though half the people in attendance had no idea what or why this was happening; they just wanted to be apart of it. That’s part of the grand scheme of GISHWHES.

GISHWHES describes itself as

“a “game” where we present the players from all over the planet a long list of items to accomplish. Then people collectively in their respective teams divvy up and pursue these items, making incredible crazy art, performing wild things in public, and partaking in heart-warming community service projects. They receive “points” for every item they accomplish.”

However, the list doesn’t limit itself to ridiculous high jinx, but also opens itself to make a difference in someone’s day or entire life. A couple of my favorites from this year’s list included getting CPR certified and another was to do an activity in remembrance of a loved one that has passed or do an activity with a loved that you’ve been meaning to do, but keep postponing. GISHWHES goes on to say:

“Many of the participants claimed it was a life-changing experience that either pulled them out of their shell and completely changed their lives, or drove them insane.

Previous years’ items have ranged from “random kindness items” like “Take a picture of you hugging a War Veteran” or “…giving coats to a homeless shelter” to sublime items like “Take a picture of a stormtrooper cleaning a pool next to a sunbather” or “create a 2-foot tall seagull made entirely from sanitary napkins.” Whichever team receives the most points by scavenging the most items (quality counts!), will win an all-expense-paid trip to somewhere incredible.”

It’s so easy to get stuck in the monotony of life – the daily routine. GISHWHES shakes it all up and just for the hell of it, because we occasionally need to forget responsibility and deadlines and embrace the five year-old that’s still there… if we’ll only let him/her come out play. I think one participant put it best when she said,

“GISHWHES reawakened the part of me that finger painted as a child and laughed at my messes. I cannot remember the last time I felt this inspired and joyful.” -Jennifer Archer

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Once again, there’s little more I can offer that the smiles on these faces and bright vibrant colors can’t. Enjoy a peek at the intimate fanfare and I know you’ll immediately feel like you’re in on the conversation.

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